I RUINED MY REPUTATION AT THE MILADY RAVE
NYC scene review; autofiction; technology
A portrait of the author.
I hopped out of the Lyft; address 145 Mulberry Street, Little Italy, New York, New York 10013; venue named Bella Ciao. I sprung impatiently past a scatterplot line of catboys, SoHo rich-kids, finance bros, harajuku barbies, y2k ravers, furries, they-thems, hip-hop goths, hunched-over hackers, hoodlums, yu-gi-oh duelists, etc. All the street style tribes of New York had sent their representatives to congregate this evening. They had been summoned by the siren song of the vortex.
โBro, what the fuck? You canโt skip the line!โ โ a 5โ9โ pale-looking man in a Patagonia vest yelled at me. ๐
โRelax, homie, itโs chill,โ I assured him. โI know Milady, bro. I know Remilia.โ ๐ธ
I dapped up the homie who was bouncing (@spl9plcplcplc) and slid past the line of impatient influencers right into the function. It was already popping off by the time I got there. Seemed like it was going to be an awesome night โ one for the photo books. Type of shit that constantly happens in NYC, but it never gets old. Knightsbridge by Bladee was playing on the aux. ๐
I had hardly spent few seconds in the building before another one of the twitter homies (@ProseProducer) recognized me. He dapped me up โ one of those ambiguous daps where our hands shifted back and forth between fist-bump & handshake several times on their journey towards interception - but thatโs cool, we were vibing โ โYo! Youโreโฆ youre you! Youโre the guy, youโreโฆโ he excitedly blurted.
โMaxwell S. Foley, writer & technologist, pleased to finally make your acquaintance in person,โ I told him, unbothered by his lapse in memory (youโre chill bro, I fux w you ๐ค๐ป).
โYour Substack piece on Miladys was brilliant!โ he exclaimed. โI never knew you could write like that! That shit made all my boys so hype! It was funny as fuck, dude!โ
โThank you so much for saying that,โ I responded congenially. โBut trust me, bro โ this is just the beginning. Next fiction pieces Iโm dropping are going to be absolutely crazy.โ ๐
We talked a bit more about which currencies & NFT projects to buy & sell (Tojiba CEO Corp a good bet to buy rn, sell Tubby Cats, always hodl Miladys no matter what, any other alpha I got at the party come talk to me in person Iโll give it to you if I fw you ๐คซ). I complimented him on his pink Milady hat, a design that many at the party were sporting. It had a classic look reminiscent of beloved childrenโs characters like Kirby or Jigglypuff, but with a Web3 twist.
We had a chill good vibes type convo; honestly most of the people who come through to Milady stuff are chill, or at least they can hang. Then I saw one of my boys Grift (@GRIFTSH0P) from across the room. โYo, Grift!โ I shouted out. โYo, whatโs good, Max,โ he responded eagerly.
We dapped & hugged it out. โRespect the grift, bro,โ I said. (This is one of the number one rules and Vibe Checks in this space of cybernetic-frontier โ Iโll reinforce this just in case anyone reading this is new to ๐ ฑ๏ธrypto โ you must Respect The Grift at all times. Itโs always like: Do your own thing, homie, be yourself โ but donโt get in the way of another manโs grift.)
โIโve got a crazy grift for tonight,โ I told Grift. โCheck this out: NFTs, plus autofiction. No oneโs ever done it. NFT autofiction. Itโs totally new. Itโs a new grift.โ
Grift stroked his chin. โNFTsโฆ autofictionโฆโ he mused. โI fux w the vision, like I definitely fux w the vision, but tell me more.โ
โLike, do you know what autofiction is?โ I asked him. โItโs like, the thing people trying to get literary clout do these days. You just write about your life and parties you go to. Itโs like influencer fiction basically. Itโs like not even fiction. You just write about shit that actually happened and change the names a bit. Itโs one of the easiest grifts ever. You donโt really need to be that good of a writer. All I need is likeโฆ ๐ค๐ 1. Live in Brooklyn. Ok, check. 2. Be a cool person, have an exciting life people want to know about. Check two. 3. Have an in in the literary scene. And I have that. But then lookโฆ If you bring NFTs into it, itโs likeโฆ if youโre a guy whoโs linked in a bit, has alpha on the NFT market a bit โ the point is, I can just hype up an NFT whenever I want if it relates to a party Iโve been to, and because Iโm like an interesting guy people fuck with, theyโll fuck w the NFT too. And then the NFTs will fund my degenerate bohemian lifestyle, Iโll keep going to parties, write more fiction. Itโs a perpetual motion hype machine.โ
I could tell I made Grift excited, he balled his hand into a fist and placed it in front of his mouth โ โOoooooh,โ he exclaimed. โIโm vibing with you, I feel like I see where youโre going with this.โ
โBasically, the point is,โ I told him, โweโre here to make sure this is the craziest night ever. Because this is all going to be going into the autofiction. My life is a movie bro, my life deadass is going to be a short story collection.โ ๐๐ฅ
โI respect it, bro,โ Grift replied. โI respect the fucking grift.โ
โAight bro, Iโm going to mingle a bit,โ I told him, and then after a final goodbye-dap we went our separate ways to run our separate hustles. Clique by GOOD Music (โYeah Iโm talking business, Iโm talking CIA, Iโm talking George Tenet, I seen him the other dayโ) was playing on the aux.
I danced a bit and then ran into @0xUzui_. โYo, whatโs good Max, great to see you! I really loved your Substack piece,โ he told me. โWas that inspired byโฆ I felt like I was getting Borges? I saw you were writing about Phillip K Dick a bit on Twitter, I could see some Dick in there too.โ
โI hate to admit it,โ I responded, โbut Iโve barely read any Borges. The main inspiration for the piece was Ishmaelโs Utopia by Otto Rothmund.โ
โI saw you writing about Nick Land a lot on Twitter,โ he continued. โCheck the shirt, bro!โ
He took off his black bomber jacket and stretched his shirt downward with his hand so I could get a good view of the design on it. In a bunch of chaotic clashing fonts, it said โNick Land, please hack my boypussy, Iโm begging you to deterritorialize my back wall until I cum shit and I see Gnon.โ โThatโs pretty funny,โ I told him.
โSo, Iโm trying to make sure get it,โ he said, pulling his jacket back on. โAre you unironically a Nick-Land-style accelerationist? Youโre trying to hype up NFTs in order to speed up the future?โ
โHonestly, I donโt think Nick Land himself is an unironic accelerationist,โ I told him. โI think it makes sense to look at much of Nick Landโs work as an elaborate troll, or devilโs-advocacy. But Land interests me because, whether you like him or not, heโs really the only person to create a philosophical project derived from Deleuze & Guattari which can make a claim to rival the original in its novelty and relevance. Specifically, there is the moment in Fanged Noumena in which he rejects the standard maneuver within Western philosophy of โdescribing language within a meta-languageโ, and accuses Deleuze & Guattari of cheating through their notion of โaxiomatizationโ, which is merely another meta-language, according to Land. Once he figures this conceptual maneuver out, writing turns into a flattened plane of pure affect, and becomes subordinated to cybernetics. From that point, Land abandons anything which resembles conventional philosophy and begins writing cyberpunk pastiches, alternate histories, qabbala, etc., and the rest is historyโ
He didnโt have anything immediate to say in response to this, so I indulged myself and kept monologuing about theory. โItโs actually not the speed, or the economic aspect of Land which appeals to me, itโs precisely this flatness. Iโve become profoundly disinterested in artwork which isnโt able to directly operate on the social plane in which it is immanent. Notions of division between the subject and object of art, audience and creator, art and life, etc. I think need to be left in the twentieth century. Iโm seeking to make my art practice and my lifestyle as flattened as possible. ๐๐คโทโ
For a Nut by Future featuring Young Thug & Gunna was playing on the aux. โI could boss a bitch up for a nut, that little bitty watch ainโt worth nothingโ. ๐ถ
Someone was waving at me from across the room. โYo, it was nice to see you here,โ I said to the man in the Nick Land shirt in front of me, politely excusing myself in order to network with whomever it was on the other side of the bar beckoning to me. He was wearing a black hat that said โULTRA MAGAโ on it.
โYo, I remember you, youโreโฆโ I began. โ@vincemanguy,โ he reminded me. โWonderful to see you again, we met in Miami.โ
I searched through the vaults of my memory to recollect what I knew about this man. A tense horror crept upon me as I began to remember. โYeah I remember you, but what are you doing at the Milady rave?โ I asked him. โYouโre a Bored Ape avi!โ ๐ โโ๏ธ
โDonโt say it so loudly!โ he chuckled, slapping me humorously on my back. ๐ โIโve been a part of the Bored Ape community since nearly the beginning, but I think Miladys are really cool too! The neo-chibi aesthetic is just so cute. Why do our communities need to have beef?โ
โHonestly,โ I told him, โAt the end of the day, Iโm with you. Thereโs no need for beef. I just feel like Milady is the most interesting project โ itโs the only one interesting enough for me to write about it right now. Because it has an ethos to its core: Network Spirituality. What is Bored Apeโs ethos?โ
โWeโre Bored Apes,โ he told me. โWe ape into shitcoins, and weโre existentially bored. ๐ด๐ต Ennui; itโs a commentary on the human condition.โ
โI feel like thatโs been done ๐,โ I said, as I turned away to head to the bar for a drink.
โNo wait, hold on, I had a question,โ he said, grabbing my shoulder before I could walk away. โI read in an article that Milady was run by like, a neo-nazi accelerationist cult? Is that true? It seems kind of fucked up if itโs real,โ he said.
โWhat?โ I asked him, completely bewildered. โWhoever said that must be fudding Milady, or just a hater or something. Everyone Iโve met here is chill as fuck.โ
โYeah, everyone here seems pretty cool,โ he acknowledged.
I went to the bar to order a Manhattan with Johnnie Walker Red. Next to the bar, all the way in the back of the room, I saw a small line of five or six people standing in front of a closed door. โWhatโs going on here?โ I asked to one of the kids standing in line. โVIP room!โ he said excitedly. โYou have to be holding a Milady to get in.โ
Fortunately, I do! Check her out:
โWhatโs going on in the VIP today?โ I asked the kid. โNot sure,โ he responded. โNeed to get in first and we can find out!โ
I had to wait for about fifteen minutes in the line because they were only letting people in one at a time. A bouncer made me scan a QR code & sign an attestation with MetaMask showing that I owned a Milady on the Ethereum blockchain.
When I got in, it was a dimly lit room with black walls, a bunch of black couches surrounding a black table, and a small crowd of dudes and a couple girls chilling. I recognized @foolish4Christ, @MalangeDon, @Dejantheinane & @postcksl all there, and there were roughly as many people I didnโt recognize. On the table in front of them, there was a bunch of white powder sitting on a mirror in a pile, with odd flecks of powder spilled and scattered about it.
Cocaine. ๐๐ปโ๏ธ What self-respecting party for degenerate crypto gamblers and accelerationist theorists wouldnโt be providing stimulants in a back room? โYou want a line, bro?โ one of my fellow Milady holders asked me from his position on the couches, sliding over so I could squeeze in next to him. I nodded in the affirmative, and bent down low to inhale the chemicals. I winced โ it felt like being punched in the nose, but in the chillest possible way.
I laid back on the couch. Something strange was happening. The couch was vibrating beneath me. I was higher than I thought I would be. I looked down at my hands, and they seemed as if they belonged to someone else. I wriggled my fingers to make sure they still work, and each movement felt pondered over, as if I was in a video game with unfamiliar controls.
I glanced back up. I hadnโt noticed that most of the people previously in with me had suddenly left the room. I was the only one left on my couch, and aside from me the only people remaining were on the couch perpendicular to mine โ two lesbians caressing each other & giving each other slow, awkward kisses, both seemingly having found themselves far too drunk far too early in the night.
I closed my eyes as the room tumbled and danced around and underneath me. I spent about ten minutes in darkness, completely immersed in a maze of confused inner affect, having totally forgotten my goals of networking, picking up on writing cryptocurrency alpha, and generating material for autofiction.
Then, someone spoke. โHey Max, itโs me! Itโs Milady!โ sang a cute female voice. My eyes shot open. There she was; it was in fact her.
Milady! She was only about five-foot-two, with big eyes, elven-looking ears, and a playful smile. She wore a trucker cap that said โMILADYโ in a ornate font and a shirt that said โIโm cute Iโm punk rockโ (she is!) She had short purple hair cropped just above her shoulders and an earring dangling out of just her right ear. It was exactly how she looked on OpenSea, how she had looked in that very first moment when my eyes locked with hers and I decided it made sense to spend thousands of dollars on a jpeg.
โIโve been in love with you since the first time I saw you,โ I told her.
โ๐ฅฒโบ๏ธโบ๏ธโบ๏ธ๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐โ she replied.
โCan you come a little closer?โ I asked her.
โI Long For Network Spirituality,โ she said. โI might be yours on the blockchain, but anyone can buy and hold a token. Can you truly possess Milady? Was she ever really yours? She comes and she goes as she pleases, as the wind sways the telephone lines between two towers, as the birds burst upwards into the sky only to settle down and roost once more. Are you wired enough, Max?โ๐ธ๐ป
โUwu,โ I said. โ๐ฅบ๐ฅบ๐. Iโve been trying my best.โ
โWhy were you talking about grifting earlier?โ she asked me. โYou donโt see me like that, do you? Like just something to make money off of and forget about the next day?โ ๐ก๐ก๐คฌ๐คฌ๐คฌ๐
โOf course not!โ I shouted indignantly. But then my heart sank as I realized I might not be the innocent party here. Were there sins I still needed to confess to Milady? ๐ฅบ๐ฉ๐ โI just meant it like, a hustle, you know? Everyone has to have their hustle, right? ๐ โ
Milady scoffed and turned her head to the side, folding her arms. โYou have so much to learn.โ โก๏ธ๐
Then, Milady pointed towards the door. โLook who came to the rave,โ she announced. At that point, the door swung open and, @Logo_Daedalus from Twitter walked confidently into the room. โWhatโs up dude,โ he said to me. He took a puff on his Juul, then turned to Milady. โWhatโs up, Milady.โ
He positioned himself next to Milady and then looked at me. โLook man, I came here to tell you your writing sucks,โ he said. โItโs just obviously clear from how you write that you havenโt read as many books as I have. Have you even readโฆ well I know you havenโt read all of Shakespeare โ you probably havenโt read any Shakespeare since high school, but have you even read all of Hemingway? Of Poe? ๐ I donโt think Milady deserves your treatment; it brutalizes and bloodies her, your pen scrapes against her skin. Such a fair creature deserves to be sung of skillfully, donโt you think?โ
โ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญโ i said. She does i know she does
โ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐โ said Milady.
Logo Daedalus left the room and closed the door behind him.
โMilady, why do you torment me so?โ I exclaimed. โThe price was almost at 2 ETH, and I didnโt sell. Now the price is below where I bought it, and I still never soldโฆ I will never sell, I will hold you forever, I promise. But for some reason you donโt believe meโฆโ
โI just hurt people because Iโve been hurt in the past,โ she said. โAnd I donโt want to get hurt again. Trauma. Iโm sure you understand. ๐ But you actually seem like a good guy. I like you.โ
โUwu ๐ฅนโบ๏ธ๐โ I said, exhaling and closing my eyes slightly.
Milady balled her fists and jumped up and down. โYay! Hey, Max, do you think I could sit on your lap? ๐ฅบโ
โOf course,โ I said.
she put her head against my neck& I could feel her heartbeat against mine. I ran my fingers through her neon purple hair and felt as if I was tumbling across a bristled astroturfed grass on a terraformed extrasolar planet ๐๐ฅ
โโบ๏ธโบ๏ธโบ๏ธ๐บ๐ท๐ป๐ผ๐ชท๐๐ชฒ๐ชณ๐ฌ๐โ - Milady
โ๐โ - Max
โ๐๐ผโช๏ธ๐๐ซโ - Milady
โ๐๐๐โ - Max
โฆ
โฆ
Milady: โ๐ช๐ช๐ช๐ช๐ช๐ช๐๐๐๐๐นโฉ๐ช๐ฉธ!!!!!!!!!!!!โ
I screamed in horror at what was happening and tried to stand up as Milady slashed violently with her knife at my torso the blood pooled around me, but to no avail. My limbs all sunk downwards as if they were submerged in water. I tried to wriggle and push her off but there was no hope, she was already on top of me and I was losing gallons of blood a second. It was over for me. If I was going to die, I might as well not make it worse by resisting it. I was Miladyโs sacrificial victim. In a manner of sorts, thatโs maybe the true way in which I was able to serve her the best.
-
My eyes shot open. Milady was gone, and there was no blood. I was just lying there on the same couch in the same room, with about ten other people there โ some of whom I recognized, some of whom I didnโt.
โDude, you were in that k-hole for like a whole two hours!โ exclaimed the kid sitting next to me.
โOh, haha,โ I replied. โI thought I was doing cocaine.โ ๐ What a wild ride that had been!
After that I got up and danced some more, andโฆ Anyway, thatโs basically what I did at the Milady rave! ๐ I had so much fun!!! And all the people were super cool.
Hope I see you there at the next one! ๐
Pictures from the rave of the author:
ุงูุญู ุฏ ููู ุณููุชุตุฑ
๐
like this post if u love ketamine
Hahah bet! Mad fun Sunday reading ๐